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I really never thought I'd say all this.

June 02, 2012

I've been away from home for one year, almost exactly. I left Charleston on May 28, 2011. I'm 80% sure that's the right date.

I lived in Charleston for my first eighteen and a half years of life. I really miss it. I miss knowing every inch of the town where I live. I miss knowing everyone in my school. I miss my friends. When I graduated high school, I was still best friends with girls I was best friends with in first grade. I miss long drives through the country for no reason. I still miss high school, so sue me. I miss the routine, the familiarity.

I feel like none of my friends in Utah really know me. And this isn't a self-pity "no one understands me.." post. This is me legitimately saying I don't feel as if I've let anyone in Utah really get to know me.

I feel so different from the person I was a year ago. I know that's a good thing in some ways. I know I've grown and learned a lot. But I still wonder if, with all of this growth and learning, I'm really being myself.

I still consider my friends in Illinois to be my best and closest friends. But I'm not sure if that's fair. Sometimes I go weeks without talking to them. So how are they really my best friends if they don't know what's going on in my day to day life? But how are my Utah friends really my closest if they haven't even known me for a full year of my life?

I know I'm blessed to have lived in both places. I'm blessed to know the people I do. I have friends and family who love me, no matter where I live. Sometimes I have identity crises.


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