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thoughts on engagement.

January 07, 2014

Stefan proposed on November 29th, so we have officially been engaged for five weeks and three days.

A lot of people tell me to enjoy being engaged because it is such a unique, fun time of life.

A lot of people warned me that being engaged would be hard. Whether because of the stress that comes from all the planning or maybe as a result of the attack efforts Satan sometimes sends our way once we make a righteous decision.

Well with five weeks and three days of experience behind me, I feel totally safe saying that for me this engagement has been very fun and very hard.

I can't even categorize days into just one "fun" or "hard" group - every single day has had moments that fall under each.

Registering, for example, is supposed to be so fun! But in our case, we made the mistake(s) of 1. trying to register at Target on a Saturday morning, and 2. walking into the store totally clueless about which were good brands for anything or even what the other person wanted for the style of our future home. We weren't on the same page, it was crazy and frustrating, and we left the store extra grumpy with an unfinished registry.

Christmas Break? It was nuts. Both mine and Stefan's families came to Utah for Christmas which sounded convenient and perfect, but ended up being just one step short of total chaos. We drove up to Logan two separate days, Salt Lake twice, Midway at least once, toss in some badly snow-covered roads, tons of holiday traffic, last minute gift shopping, living out of our backpacks while sleeping in at least four different homes, missed alarm clocks, roughly three very nearly missed car accidents, and trying to spend as much time with every side of both of our families as possible.

Of course there were too many fun moments to count - we loved seeing and meeting so much family, playing games, watching movies, opening presents, singing Christmas songs, eating great food, and playing with nieces and nephews on both sides.

But those couple of weeks were completely draining. I constantly felt I was leaving someone somewhere disappointed. I felt like we should have been spending more time with each of our families, but we just didn't have any more time to spend. I wish I could have given more thoughtful gifts. I was never sure if we should work on planning the wedding while so much family was around or if that would take away from Christmas and upset people.

Is it normal to feel this way? I am so happy to be engaged, so happy to be marrying my very best friend. But why does it feel so hard? Am I overreacting?

We got engaged right before finals, and finals were followed by a busy Christmas break, and Christmas break was followed by a new semester which means adjusting to new schedules and spending lots of money on books and I understand there is no easy time to plan a wedding, but.. I'm struggling.

I haven't sold my contract yet, I'm essentially in between jobs right now, my financial aid for the new semester hasn't come through yet, I've had a headache for days, I think I lost my student ID, and sometimes I just don't feel ready. I know people say you may never feel ready, but how am I supposed to be okay with that? I feel like I'm drowning.

I'm almost done writing this and I know it might be silly to post it. I just need to get it all out there. I know that I will be fine and everything will be fine and I have a ton of people to lean on.

I know this is a happy, fun time of my life. Today just made it hard to remember all of that. ..until I typed it all out and listened to myself whine about my beautiful life. I feel better.

3 comments :

Jake Emmett said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates
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Jake Emmett said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Years from now when you think about on this time you'll remember the good times and good feelings the most. Enjoy the ride.

Lesa Emmett said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Remember to lean on people, and trust them to come through for you. You're very loved and completely normal! Like your dad said... try to enjoy the ride!

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